Blast O' Joy

What I Learned from ‘American Idol’

First of all, let’s just get this out on the table – my favorite ‘American Idol’ singers are Taylor Hicks (the gray-haired, blues-singing guy) and Paris Bennett, the very incredible 17-year-old African-American singer from Georgia.

Now … let’s analyze why I like them.

I’m a newbie to American Idol – it’s something my kids have gotten me into, but boy … a LOT can be learned here about the creative process and the art of passing muster. Not only are you dealing with Simon Cowell’s scowling countenance all the time … only those who are self-possessed, fairly real and really relaxed seem to make it into the final rounds.

These are the people who ‘have it going on’ – they know their job, they know they’re good, and they’re not waiting for the judges to validate them. Best of all, they’re having fun. And that all springs from passion for your craft.

I love these two singers because they’re genuinely passionate about what they do. When Taylor Hicks came in to see the judges to find out if he made it onto the show, he was playing his harmonica. Just for love of being there, and taking the long stroll down to their table, he played the blues all the way. This guy is full of joy whether he makes it to the final round or not … and he’s certainly not going to stop, regardless of whether he wins. Frankly, if I was an A&R person with a major label, I’d already be talking to this guy about signing. He’s just got that unique, amazing … something. (I love that he says on his page that he’ll go back to being a ‘broke performer’ after the AI whirl ends.)

Same for the fabulous Paris Bennett. This girl is just 100% about delivering her gift. Her ritual (according to the American Idol site) is to ‘Pray and ask God to be my words and let Him use me!’. How cool is that? Paris is connected to the music, down to the core of her soul, and it makes us love her.

I’m not forgetting what she did when she passed her original AI audition and got the ‘golden ticket’ to spend the week auditioning in Hollywood (essentially round 2 of the process.) She dropped to her knees in the doorway as she exited, and just began to sob with joy. She’s feeling it … and so can we.

If you haven’t ever checked American Idol out, do … it’s a great lesson in life as a working artist. Who’s your favorite contestant?

Sure Signs That You Need A Retreat

Do any of these sound familiar? If so, chances are you need a retreat soon or even, like … NOW. You be the judge. And remember - a retreat is actually just what most of us overscheduled souls actively need.

Check those that apply:

1. You snarl at family members a little too easily.
2. You keep fantasizing about mindless activities, like folding socks, just so you'll have some down time.
3. You find yourself forgetting important details, getting lost, or mixed up over how to do things.
4. You are overwhelmed with tiredness.
5. Things that used to be fun seem more like a burden now.
6. You're missing something in life, but you're not sure what.
7. You need to make large changes but you're not sure where to start.
8. You have a pressing need to be alone.
9. You're having trouble meditating.
10. You craving natural beauty and fresh air.
11. Your life seems boring and somewhat hopeless.
12. You've lost touch with friends and have no idea how to make reconnection again.
13. You know you need to leave for a while, but you're not sure how or why.
14. You feel a need to celebrate the onset of a new season, the equinox, or just plain life.
15. You want to make plans, set goals, and visualize your future, but you know you need to take a break to do it.

If your soul is begging for a break, may I recommend my Women Writer’s Spa, a glorious week in Taos NM in late July. Boy … do we have fun! And we'd love to have you.

When, Why, and How to Disappear For a While, Part II

On the other hand, you may crave an escape to a commercial space for retreats, whether it is a monastic community or a New Age spa with whirlpools, massages and evening satsang. The selection of retreat possibilities is endless, ranging from Zen monastaries which require silence of visitors to yoga camps to healing spas that offer biofeedback, crainiosacral therapy, and Ayurvedic doctors. One guide listed below even lists 'Mind' spas, in which you can use entrainment mind machines and behavior modification software that helps reprogram negative mental patterns. Ultimately, all retreats are oriented around one thing: to return balance to your body, mind and soul. It's up to you and your intuition to decide where to go and what to do.

Jennifer Louden, who I lead a retreat with called the Women Writer’s Spa suggests that all retreats must start with one key question: 'Why am I going on retreat?' The rest of the why's and how's are built from this answer, especially such questions as 'How can I spend money on myself like this?' and 'How can I make the time?' Answer the question of why honestly, and the rest takes care of yourself. For instance, if you need to retreat because you're fed up with your life, then time and money need not be an issue. On the other hand, if you're retreating because you need a break from the kids, a mini-retreat for an afternoon or a weekend getaway might do the trick nicely.

The question of where to go can be answered similarly. If you are going on retreat to soothe your soul and treat yourself with love and care for a while, you might want to pick a place that feels like the ultimate pampering. On the other hand, if you're going on retreat to plan out your vision for your business, you could pick a time and place that helps you think more creatively. My husband and I did exactly that on a recent retreat to a beautiful little college town in Vermont about an hour from where we live. We hung out in a cafe in the morning and went over what we'd accomplished in the last year. Then we took a walk, had lunch at an inn, and spent the balance of the day in front of their fireplace making plans for the new year. The cost of our retreat was practically nothing, and it got the job done quite nicely.

Please note that going on retreat may mean finding a yoga retreat with a particular kind of practice, or going to a Benedictine monastery and living like the monks do. Your retreat may have a particular spiritual practice that will enhance your time away. If you call the Episcopalian or Roman Catholic Diocese where you want to go, they will put you in touch with monasteries and retreat centers where you can stay -- or you can use the directories listed below. As you cruise the possibilities, see what your intuition pulls you towards. Then allow yourself to go there, unencumbered.

I encourage you to give yourself permission to just get away, find a little peace and quiet, and let your thoughts flow. You may be surprised at what you uncover, but you will most definitely be refreshed by this necessary, uncommon gift to yourself.

Why not join us at the Women’s Writer’s Spa in July in Taos? Here's a pic of last year's group … and I must say, they DO look relaxed and nourished (and this was only Day 3!)

Jump in - whatever retreat you choose!

When, Why, and How to Disappear For a While, Part I

This is an article about retreating, whether it be for an afternoon, a week, or a year. Retreats are for those times when you've reached a personal plateau from which you just don't seem to be able to budge. Maybe you're very tired from weeks or months of hard work. Maybe you need to grieve a loss but you just can't seem to find the time. Maybe you're surrounded by people and demands all day long and you just plain need to get away. Maybe God is calling you, so you need to stop and listen for a while. Maybe all you know is that you need to move forward, but you don't know how or why. A retreat is time you give to yourself to allow you to quiet down, tune in, and really listen to your soul.

A retreat can be anything that takes you away from you routine and gives your brain a little space to breath. By no means do you have to do months of research to find the perfect place, or even get a grant and go on sabbatical. Retreating is simply closing the door on the everyday world you inhabit, and filling your lungs, soul, heart and mind with something new and refreshing.

In her excellent book, The Woman's Retreat Book, Jennifer Louden suggests it is possible to take a retreat at home. (I happen to lead a retreat with Jennifer - the Women's Writer's Spa in Taos NM.) One key component is to remove all the stressors in your home -- put on the answering machine, ask neighbors not to drop by, remove the family by sending them to a friend or relative, and close the door on the messiest rooms. Then you need to prepare the rooms you will retreat in.

Louden suggests space clearing by burning sage, spritzing water, or clapping hands as you walk around each room you will occupy. Change sheets, freshen towels, vacuum, dust, clean up in the first hour of your retreat -- then create a sacred ceremony for yourself that really marks your entry into the retreat mode. One reader in Louden's book drove her car to a nearby arboretum where it could stay parked for a few days. She had purposefully taken a long, hot bath, pampered herself, and put on favorite clothing for the moment of retreat to begin. Then she crossed a brook on a small bridge, and walking back across it, declaring her retreat begun. The woman then strolled home to the clean, restful silence of her home for the remainder of the weekend.

Stay tuned for more on this tomorrow …

Hubby's at MOMA!

OK … I'm gonna bust I'm so proud. My very own husband, Larry Barns, will have some of the still photographs he's taken for Iranian concept artist Shirin Neshat at a show, opening February 26 at New York's Museum of Modern Art.

For about ten years, Larry has accompanied Shirin on the shoots of her abstract and very beautiful fine art videos to places like Turkey, Morrocco and Oaxaca, Mexico. There they create images that accompany her videos, and are sold to collectors. (Museums tend to be the buyers of the videos.) This work has been shown in all the major museums in the world - in fact the image at the left, an early shot Larry did with Shirin, was  on the cover of the program of the Venice Biennale.

The exhibit at MOMA is called 'Without Boundary; 17 Ways of Looking'. The museum website says about it: "The exhibition features the work of artists of diverse backgrounds-Algerian, Egyptian, Indian, Iranian, Iraqi, Lebanese, Pakistani, Palestinian, and Turkish-across a variety of mediums, including painting, sculpture, video, animation, photography, carpet and textile, and comic strips."

Larry thinks this is part of a major global trend in art, and certainly in the US, to become much more international and inclusive. To which I say, thank God someone's being that way! Just what's needed in a time of war, violence, hatred, and a whole lot of other base emotions that make these sad and challenging times.

Long live art as the healing force!

The Incredible Power of Peace & Quiet

Nothing is quieter than February in my little town. Almost no cars pass by the house in a day. When you go outside, you can hear things you might miss in the summertime, certain soft birdcalls and the dripping of melting snow from a tree. There are no concerts or plays and few meetings. The only sign of life on the lake are two hard core fishermen in a turquoise boat who troll for salmon relentlessly and apparently have anti-freeze in their veins.

I used to be nervous around such quiet. It made me feel I was 'missing something' somewhere else -- wherever there was lots of noise and glitter, and plenty of people. I didn't appreciate the incredible spiritual depth that can be found in quiet. Nor did I understand what quiet can do for my work. Furthermore, I was afraid of such stillness, as if I'd finally have to be quiet and alone with myself for a change ... and what I'd find out would really make the bottom drop out.

Since those days, I've come to understand not only how restorative quiet is, but how necessary it is. In order to connect with our creative projects, we really need that stillness. Our tender, fragile creative voices are hard enough to hear. Once you add the static of these crazy, complicated, interconnected lives we've cooked up, it becomes downright impossible. There is a reason writers have always headed to the hills to write their magnum opus -- they already know the magic of quiet.

There is something of an orderliness to quiet. Each bird that flies by, each ray of sunlight that shines in the window and each mote of dust that drifts through it seems to exist in the perfect space and time.

Deep quiet heals with its very simplicity, for it demands nothing from us. We don't have to be 'on', we don't have to know anything in particular, or even solve any problems. We just have to be, pure and simple. And should we choose to work on our creative endeavors, the quiet comforts us like a thick, soft blanket, urging us to dig deeper and relax into its spiritual embrace.

Life Lessons Learned While Skiing, Part II

The following ran in my Joy Letter about five years ago … For Part I please see the prior post.

… So there I was, contemplating an entire field of 3 to 5 foot iced-up moguls on one of Whiteface's toughest trails, wondering why I'd ever decided to improve my skiing. That's when the words of my friend Christine, a former ski instructor, came back to me -- "Don't look at the trail below you. Just figure out where you're going to turn first. Then look for your next turn, and your next. Pretty soon you'll be down it."

Historically, I'd always stood at the top of the trail, nursed a good five to ten minutes of panic, then made a decision I couldn't ski the thing, and promptly slid my way down to the bottom, mostly on my butt. Or I defiantly took my skis off and walked down along the edge. Or I harangued my husband for a good few minutes.

Never, once, had I just calmly tried it.

"Let's go, Mom!" called Teal, waiting patiently. So I set off, looking for the spot for each turn I could make. I turned once and my skis, quite improbably went up over a mogul, down it, and around the next one. I turned again, and set my sites on the next turn. Again and again, I kept finding the next turn -- and suddenly it dawned on me. Not only was I skiing the dreaded moguls, but it was exactly like pursuing your dreams.

We want to stand at the top of our particular challenge, and scope out exactly how we're going to make it work. But we can't really know that until we're deep in the middle of the work. The greater the challenge -- just as with the steeper terrain in skiing -- the more you must rely on your gut wisdom to carry you through, telling you where to turn and what to do next. You cannot stand at the top of the run and figure it all out in advance. Life simply doesn't work that way.

Trust yourself -- especially on the scary stuff.

I found my way down MacKenzie that morning with surprising ease. I fell a few times but somehow the automatic Voice of Resounding Shame didn't resound quite as loudly. And I learned another amazing thing:

Lesson #4: If you're skiing under control on a steep slope and you fall, you can pop right back up again. In the past, when I'd skied the Beginner and Intermediate terrain, getting up again was hell. I'd have to take off a ski, get on my hands and knees, and struggle upright again. But here, the angle of the mountain -- or possibly my adrenaline -- literally pushed me right back to my feet.

Again, my mind went to life parallels, and I thought of the way we respond when we're deep in pursuit of our dreams. The stronger our commitment, the faster we get right back to work after we hit a snag. We simply want to feel that magical flow again.

Lesson #5: The steeper the challenge, the faster you get back on your feet.
Whether you ski or not, challenges most certainly await in some corner of your life. I invite you to ski straight into them, and just keep looking for where to turn next. If you keep your course steady and methodical, and you don't start racing out of control, even your falls will provide moments of quiet strength.

Happy trails.

Life Lessons Learned While Skiing, Part I

The following ran in my Joy Letter about five years ago … and I do love to trot it out mid-winter every year.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about skiing, and how it relates to life. You tend to get pretty philosophical after you've found yourself seated not once but a dozen times while trying to learn how to ski bumps.

Lesson #1: One cannot improve without landing on your can from time to time.
So why, at age 43, am I even trying to ski bumps when the rest of my middle-aged lady friends are happy on the lovely, groomed trails with nary a flake out of place? Because I can no longer ski with my children or my husband, and so am being forced to improve.

Lesson #2: Learn young.
I learned how to ski thirteen years ago when I married a skier. My ability level rose to intermediate, then stayed parked there for the last eleven years. It always seemed too hard and too scary to ski the advanced 'black diamond' trails, with their steep embankments and their unexpected outcroppings of bumps, or moguls -- endless seas of small, icy three-foot hills produced by skier's repeated turns. Navigating the moguls in particular seemed impossible to me. Yet, ironically enough, this is what my husband and my eleven-year-old daughter love to ski the most.

Lesson #3: Whatever your resist in life will eventually come to haunt you.
To remedy my problem, I decided to face it head on. I invited my daughter to go up to the mountain with me on a Saturday, and teach me how to get down the stuff she loves, and she graciously agreed. We got off the chair lift, and she led me to her favorite field of moguls, a trail innocently enough called MacKenzie. "Just ski it," she advised, and set off to prove her point, zipping this way and that through the first patch of moguls, three-footers that defied any kind of skiing logic I could come up with. I had no idea how I was going to 'just ski it.'

To be continued ….

Great Source for All Kinds of Free or Cheap Stock Shots

A good looking site called Presentation Zen has an extensive list of free and very low cost stock photography sites. I like to use pics like this to spruce up blog posts or my site. Or you can use them in lots of other creative ways as well.

I'm especially happy to know about this because I'm doing a sort of syndication with a news aggregation service on my other blog - and they don't want me using any potentially copyright-protected images on my posts. I explained that I usually get my images off of Google BUT … then they dug a bit, and found out that those Google images are not always public domain. Yikes!

Now I need a new, better source for public domain photos.

Do check out Presentation Zen’s list-- It's a good one!

Here's a Zen-ish shot from one of their recommended sites.

Getting Outside the Box

One of my business coaches, Lena West, recently won a writing contest with an excellent essay it is my privilege to share with you. The gauntlet was tossed by Roy H. Williams of Wizard Academy, a copywriting website. The idea was to do something that firmly launches you out of your box, and then write about it.

Lena wrote about going out for breakfast in a diner on 'the other side of the tracks' in the Bronx at 3AM - a dangerous place compared to her ivory tower suburban neighborhood just across the county line. Her essay is profound, and so true, and yet, funny and inspiring. And yep, it just about moved me to tears.

You can read the whole thing at  http://www.wizardacademy.com/lenawest.asp

Here's what makes this kind of writing excellent: It's totally, 100% honest. Even about the stuff we usually try to cover up, like her assumptions about what 'those people' are really like. And how she'll have to run for her life at any moment. All of which are thoughts many of us have at such times - and yet, here we can see just how ridiculous they really are.

Read this for a shot of just how naked you want your creative expressions to be. Power to Lena! (And thanks….)