Blast O' Joy

Get To Great

The other day, something made me open O Magazine and check out Suze Orman's column. (That good old reliable intuition!) Suze made a wonderful statement: how you treat your money is how you treat yourself.

Think about that for a moment. The notion really stopped me dead in my tracks, because what it all boiled down to was energy. My lifelong habit has been to spend money freely, sometimes downright carelessly. And when I looked at my life, I realized with a jolt that I've been spending my energy freely, and sometimes downright carelessly.

In the back of my mind I've had this long, fat Dream To-Do List much of which has been ripening for a very long time. Meanwhile, I'm so busy I literally can't cram another thing into my life.

The connection one can make is that if you spew energy in too many directions, instead of choosing wisely and carefully, you'll begin to rack up an Energy Debt. And just like a financial one, it will drain you of your natural vitality as you worry about it,

On the other hand, maybe you hoard your money, and so are "stingy" with yourself when it comes to embarking on your dreams and things you really want to do in life. Or perhaps you are always in drama about money, and so are always facing some dramatic consequence when it comes to creating the life you want and need. Perhaps you're scared of money, and so may be scared of what you can create.

All of this pushes us towards a larger realization, which is that we need to dedicate ourselves, simply and wholly, to what author Cheryl Richardson calls our "Yes List". This is the list of ten or twenty things we deeply wish to make happen in our life; our most important tasks that come directly from our Soul Purpose in life. An easy way to make this list is just to get clear on 10 things you know, in your gut, you must make happen before you die.

Once you have that list, keep it nearby. And look at how you go about accomplishing each item. Are you holding back from even beginning it? Or are you having trouble fitting these truly important items into a daily agenda littered with less important tasks? Can you just get on with it, simply, directly?

Please do keep in mind that getting to the items on that list may mean making sacrifices; it may mean "spending" your energy more wisely. For instance, if I want to develop the show I keep thinking about writing, I have to give up performing with my beloved local theater group. Another example might be giving up a friendship with someone who can't support your dream, or giving up the security of a day job that deadens your soul but pays the bills.

Only when we climb out of the safety zone that has been comfortably nurturing us for so long, and move on to the next level, do we make serious progress on our dreams. Cheryl Richardson wisely calls this, "Giving up good to get to great". I love that, because then your sacrifice isn't just about fear and pain; it's about possibility and authenticity.

Just how are you treating yourself these days, and what can you give up to "get to great"? I encourage you to spend your energy wisely, and buy yourself a wonderful, soul-enriching dream -- a gift for yourself, and the world.

Timid Types, Take Note!

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about our propensity to hide; to tuck our greatness away in the safe bosom of inaction and inertia. Given the state of the world, some of us are more inclined than ever to hide. Yet, we can't...at least, not if we plan on being true to God and to the gifts that we've been given. Nonetheless, hiding persists.

I am naturally timid; I always have been, and part of me always will be. Like much of the world, I've spent significant chunks of my life listening to an inner calling to express myself, then doing anything -- anything -- not to answer it.

For most of us timid types, a warning message always flashes off and on in the background whenever we come close to being seen: Danger! Potential Visibility Ahead! We share a pre-disposition for staying in the background, a love for anonymity. And we have a real need not to be known, because this is the only way we think we will ever be truly safe. Yet, there may also be a nagging need to express ourselves, as if God were making some grand karmic joke

For my husband, this shows up as a need to cry sometimes when he runs across stories of social justice, where someone is making a difference in a small but significant way. He cries because he knows this is work he could be doing -- if only he didn't feel such an urge to hide. Deep in our hearts we know that we will not achieve our dreams in life until our tenderest underbelly has been seen. There is simply no other way out.

Hiding often shows up as self-sabotage. It's the emergence of our inner thirteen-year-old, an adolescent basketcase who just wishes Mom would step in and take care of things. My own favorite tactics have included sending out elaborate mailings which I never followed up on, being disorganized and losing key phone numbers and papers, and at one real low point, working hard to get important auditions that I never showed up for. Often we hide out in comfy, unchallenging jobs that surround us with pleasant people, provide a paycheck, and seem benign enough, except that we're not expressing ourselves one tiny bit. Some of us even resort to getting sick in order to lay low.

The ironic thing about all of this is that we hide because we think it will simplify our lives -- and yet, hiding actually takes tremendous energy. You have to put up with situations you hate, and keep making excuses to anyone who will listen, all the while ignoring the persistent emptiness of your life. Then you have to tune out the guilt that keeps playing at a low, steady hum every time you think about what you really should be doing. There is no serenity, or sense of balance to life. All there is is longing, denial, and shame.

For many of us, that shame is all about the messages we got when we were growing up. Some of us, like Alex, a pop songwriter, got chastened to be ladylike when she wanted to climb trees or sing loudly. Alex remembers her own mother as a woman "who never got to express herself, so she felt threatened that I was so expressive." Her mother, and my mother, were part of an entire generation of women in the fifties and sixties who dedicated their lives to their kids, and never got to find out who they were as creative beings. Consequently, a lot of us got shushed, and learned to associate full self-expression with shame and 'inappropriate' behavior.

For others, hiding was a coping mechanism we learned in response to stress. In the case of a friend who is now a nationally known television producer, her own invisibility was originally a way to "get some peace and quiet." Coming from a family of seven children, hiding provided an oasis of tranquillity where she could finally be alone. For Sarah, a ghostwriter, hiding was a way to avoid a demanding, hyperactive sister. But it was also a good destination in itself. "In my own imagination I could be who I was, she says, and I needed to be hidden away alone to be that."

The good news is that when you finally do expose yourself and let yourself be known, the sky does not fall. I know from my own emergence that there is a certain queasiness at first, and a deep suspicion of going public. But then there comes a lightness -- a kind of 'Aha!' and a sense that you are, indeed, in a very, very right place. Things begin to unfold; miracles suddenly happen. And on the heels of that comes a new kind of security, and a deeper sense of connectedness; one that is not in any way empty, or hollow.

Timid types, please take note.

I wrote the following essay for my column in New Age Journal, and am re-printing it here, simply because it says everything I want to say about the power of finally emerging.

Kindred Spirit...Revisited

Because I am on vacation this week, I've decided to run an old essay that was popular when it ran. My best to you! Suzanne

Recently I had the distinct pleasure of speaking at a New Age bookstore/tea salon in Key West, FL called Kindred Spirit. This wasn't a 'must do' stop on the circuit of major bookstores for Authors On Their Way Up. The business was brand new and unknown. In fact, when the owners invited me to speak, they didn't even have a location yet for their store. Still, I had a feeling that this was a place where I had to speak. There was something about Kelly and Karen, the owners, that resonated with me when I met them at a conference. They had a certain intensity, the air of women on a mission. It was clear that their lack of a lease at that moment was pretty irrelevant -- they would have exactly the space they wanted, and it would be great. Not only that, I would do an event with them, and that would be great. The Big G was clearly whispering in their ear.

When I got to Key West, my hunch was confirmed. Here was a beautiful old two-story clapboard house, with a gracious front porch, waving palms, and those cool dark green shutters that are so much a part of the Key West landscape. Every inch of this store held things that were beautiful and unique, each artfully arranged. Karen had hand-painted fresh, original calligraphy on the walls, and they had composed their space so you could wander at will, finding treasures at every turn. There was even a tiny antechamber, beautifully decorated, where you could have a reading with a remarkable psychic. Lace-covered tea tables here and there waited for you to sit down, relax, and have superb cup of tea. The effect of being in Kindred Spirit was that my travel-jagged soul was immediately soothed. This store had the ability to heal people.

That healing comes from what my friends Yannig and Karin calls "the essence". It's an immutable standard for your work that comes from within, a refusal to deliver less than exactly what your soul told you to create. And this takes considerable work. When I met Karen and Kelly, they were coming off of weeks of 12-hour days putting the finishing touches on their store and holding their first event. This is the same kind of effort Yannig, an artisan bread baker, puts into his loaves of Crown Point Bread. It's the same care Karin puts into developing her candlemaking business. It's this slightly insane, but critically important vision you get that pushes you forward, and forward, and forward, until you do create exactly what you want.

And please note that such work is not just a string of non-stop, blissed out moments of creative joy. There are many moments when you want to go home and go to bed. There are just as many when you lie awake worrying. Still, there is something sacred and holy that pushes you forward, whether it be the 'essence' or your own hands-on interpretation of God. Not surprisingly, all of Key West turned out for my talk at Kindred Spirit; the event was electric! All, I say, because people wanted that healing at the heart of Karen and Kelly's hard work.

May be you as moved as I've been by the healing work of all creators, great, small, famous and unknown, who are driven by nothing more than their desire to deliver what they feel. And may you discover the same within yourself.

For more information on Kindred Spirit, call Karen or Kelly at (305) 296-1515 or email kindredspiritinc@cs.com

Take The Plunge

While leading our Writer's Spa in Taos, New Mexico, a few years ago I got a powerful reminder of the importance of being vulnerable.

Your vulnerability...that wormy, queasy, little child feeling you get when you're stepping into rich, new territory, is your sign that you are, indeed, pursuing your dreams as you must. It's the emotional jolt that suddenly puts you in touch with all kinds of humiliating stuff from your past. Your vulnerability makes you feel just plain dumb, and full of doubt.

What if the all-knowing "they" discover what a miserable fake you are?

What if you stumble or make a mistake?

What if your endeavor does not turn out perfectly?

Well. What if?

Your vulnerability is like a well full of pain and fear. It runs cool and deep with all the emotions of your accumulated experience through life. Yet, these are sacred waters. Drink from them, and you'll get in touch with valuable ideas and emotions that can inform your creative work. Sip them from time to time, and you'll stay honest and authentic in your self-expression. Turn to antiseptic bottled water, on the other hand, and you'll lose that achingly perfect, universal tug that can move people to tears. There is no substitute in self-expression for the God's honest truth.

Your well of pain, aka your vulnerability, is the source of all that is truly human and wonderful about your work. And it will elevate your work from just plain competent to brilliant, if you have the courage such truth-telling demands.

Now this does not mean you have to wallow in old painful chapters of your past for days on end. Nor do you have to go around "suffering for your craft" to make it valid. My Writer's Spa co-leader, Jennifer Louden, recommends pulling up those memories by the dipperful -- just enough to refresh and inspire you, without pushing you into a dark emotional funk that seems to have no return.

Why not use the next two weeks to stoke up your courage, and bring the true you out into the light? This may mean trying something you've been aching to do for ages, but somehow "just can't get to". It may mean submitting your creative work for professional review, or making tough cold calls to expand your reach. It may mean asking for something you need you've been afraid to request. It may even mean sitting down to write/paint/create something emotionally wrenching because you know you simply must.

Whatever task you choose, remember that this leap of faith will serve you in the long run. Feeling stupid really is good, because if nothing else, you will grow like a hollyhock, strong in the sun.

Please go forth and take the plunge. Allow yourself to feel stupid! I know you'll be glad you did.

My heart is with you,

Suzanne

If you've taken this ezine for a while, this is not the first time I've gotten on my podium about vulnerability, but bear with me. I have some new, deeper insights to share.

Personal Joy Triggers

Lately, the world has seemed like an especially grim and frightening place; I'm almost afraid to turn on the radio each morning. So in order to help soothe souls, I'd like to offer up this essay which I wrote last spring. May it serve you well!

I was in no mood for joy this morning when I started working on this newsletter. I'd just spent twenty minutes in telephone hell, listening to one recording after another, trying to find an actual customer service representative at one of the long distance phone companies. By the time I hung up, I was convinced I was experiencing the final decline of western civilization. Gradually, as the smoke stopped coming out of my ears, I remembered a certain page on my web site -- a discussion thread on the Joy Boards called Finding Fifteen Things a Day to Be Joyful About. I went there and just read for a few minutes, and as I did the smoke cleared, my mood shifted, and life was good again. It really was as simple as that.

On this thread, people list fifteen things that bring them joy -- and some of them stop by to list them every single day. Some of my favorites: "A walk in the rain on this lazy Sunday." "Sitting in my pajamas on the kitchen floor with my three year old grandson, eating spoonfuls of peanut butter before breakfast." "The moss on a tree outside my window." "The energy I received walking around the strip in Vegas on a Sunday morning." "Being in bed, getting ready to fall asleep, and having my cat curl up on my belly and purr like a diesel engine." "The dancing smiles of friends." "That my neighbor is an 88 year old woman who grows a garden all year long, and does her own yard work."

There is something almost hypnotic about reading what makes others joyful, yet listing them for yourself is even more powerful. In fact, it's remarkably soothing. No matter how sophisticated we think our brains may be, they don't seem capable of holding both tormented, anxious thoughts and happy thoughts at the same time. So by stopping for a moment, and forcing yourself to think about what makes you happy in life, you get a profound perspective shift. Suddenly, the desert you wandered in only a few minutes earlier is gone, and you're back making brownies in the kitchen with a child, each of you licking a beater. I can't emphasize enough what a powerful tonic this is for healing the furious, fed up, frustrated, or just plain downtrodden soul.

In terms of pursuing your dreams, this is also a useful tool. In just a few moments, it can snap you out of your 'beleaguered victim at the end of a long,hard work day' mode into one that's far more productive. I urge you to stop in at our website and list fifteen of your own personal joy triggers on the Joy Boards.

Don't Wait To Be An Expert

There is a sad misconception floating around out there that I'd like to dissolve right this minute. It is the thought that you can't ever move forward with your dream until you are a true master at it.

Now let's take this argument one step further. I contend that not only do you learn by experience, you learn even more by teaching. Whether you're a writer, a coach, an entrepreneur, or a business person, the act of sharing what you've learned with others crystallizes the information for your own use. I learned this from Mr. Baynum, my seventh grade science teacher who was brand new to teaching. Mr. B. had a wonderful habit of saying "I don't know" when he didn't know something, only to return the next day with a full encyclopedic explanation of the very phenomenon you asked about. It became a game to see if we could ask Mr. B. a question he couldn't ultimately answer, which never once happened. Needless to say, some major learning took place.

Teaching mobilizes that zestier, more energetic part of your persona that loves digging for the answers, preparing ahead of time, and sharing your discoveries. In short, teaching keeps you on your toes, especially when it's a subject you don't know too much about yet. After all, what makes a great teacher? Not necessarily a master's expertise, but the desire and caring to communicate what you do know. This is the g-force that great teachers always have.

Chances are, you'll have even more access to it when you tackle a subject you care passionately about, even if you're NOT an expert at it yet. Then you get the pleasurable task of learning all about your chosen subject as you learn how to teach it.

This was the impetus that drove me to write my book, How Much Joy Can You Stand?. I was stuck with a major case of writer's block, and a certain sinking feeling about my fate as a writer, the only career I really cared about. Only by writing a book that encouraged other people to pursue their dream, was I able to move forward and have that career. This was because the endeavor forced me to learn why and how a creative person can actually keep going, something I desperately needed to know!

Let the desire to dig into this project guide you every step of the way, for it will...if you let it. Share the work, and its benefits will come back to you in spades. I promise!

How many of us linger forever in endless training and classes, waiting to get really good at something before we plunge a single toe into the submission/rejection pool? How many of us don't even start our dream, because we figure we'll never get "good enough" at it to make any difference at all? How many of us give up along the way because we'll never be the expert that so-and-so is?

Yet, here is the ironic little truth that blows all of these perceptions away. You cannot become a master until you actually take the leap, do the work, make several thousand mistakes, and live to tell about it. Experience is truly the only thing that makes experts so expert.