Blast O' Joy

A Mom Reports In On Her Dream

A reader named Christine wrote me about my Get Known Now course she purchased during our recent sale. Her thoughts echo that of many of my readers, especially because she is a stay at home Mom who really needs some relief and space to follow her dreams.

If you identify here, worry not. Help is at hand
Christine wrote:
"Dear Suzanne,

I took the plunge and ordered your course. It was just what I hoped it would be. I need focus and I feel such a sense of relief now that I have something concrete to follow.

I really wanted to make an investment in myself and my dream. I am a SAHM with two small children. It is so easy to lose your sense of self. I've been struggling for six years with my website and my dreams of research and writing. I had the feeling that if I could only figure out what my dream was, I would be great at it!

Well, my vision is getting clearer already, thanks to you. I did download the copy of How Much Joy Can You Stand? as well. Once I finished crying for my lost "old" self that I rediscovered (buried deep -- and I mean deep) once I started reading, I got to work. Thank you for sharing so freely of yourself and your work. For me, it has enabled me to locate someone that I forgot I knew -- me."

Want to download your own copy of How Much Joy Can You Stand? It's gloriously free … and it's already touched more than 100,000 people!

Technorati Tags: Live your dream, stay at home mom

Is it Important to be the Best at What Your Do?

Bob Bly, a successful copywriter and marketing pundit, asks a great question in his Bly Blog … Is it Important to be the Best at What You Do? Here's what Bly gleaned from reading Paul Pearsall's book, "The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need" (Basic Books, 2005).

"Settle for second (or third or sixth) best," advises Dr. Pearsall. "In any life endeavor, there can be only one number one. Relax and enjoy being one of the thousands who fall short … misery is the ultimate result when we link our sense of achievement to other people's failures."

And here's more of Pearsall's somewhat negative advice: "Stop trying to live up to your full potential. You probably don't have much more potential than you're showing right now, and striving for more will only cause disappointment."

Bob Bly doubts that this is true … how about you? Do you think number two will be good enough?

As I round the later part of my 40's I have a much more mellow view of having to be number one at everything. I'm guessing this is a developmental thing. My husband, who was one of the top editorial portrait photographers in New York in the 80's is way over it - and he's 64. We agree you go through phases when you're determined to be the best. But they don't have to be absolute … and it really is OK to sink back to a more mellow place as you get older.

How about you … are you still determined to be number one?

Tags: Middle age, mid life crisis, achievement, success

How to Write Ideas Down Anywhere

Got ideas? Good! Now … don't let them go. These are the manna of your creative life and without 'em you're sunk.

Here are a few idea capture tools that are excellent for all kinds of thinkers.

1. The Shower Pad. My brilliant pal Lena West gets her ideas in the shower, so she keeps a Dive Pad right there next to her - stuck to her shower wall. And she writes down ideas as she gets clean. These underwater writing pads are available at scuba shops and online.

2. The instant messager. Not to be confused with software that sends messages - this is a tiny recording device (some even fit on a key ring.) No matter where you are, it records your ideas in an instant. The key then is to sit at your computer or calendar on a regular basis and transcribe them into actionable steps. Available at Radio Shack and other electronics stores.

3. Good old note pads. That's what I use. Lots of cool little mini notepads. My favorites are those I find at indie stationers in Manhattan that have a plaid or polka dotted cover - a French company, I believe. I buy several each time I go to the city. I keep a few big ones, too, for bigger projects.

4. The black sketchbook. This was a staple of my youth, and I see lots of kids still poring over them in coffee bars in places like Boston. Think black hard cover with lots of nice white paper inside so you can make all kinds of notes, illustrations, collage paste ins, tuck ins, and generally whatever you want. Cool! I feel like an artist with my black sketchbook.

5. The binder with pocket dividers. OK, this is for really big projects. And I set it up just like I would have in school. Pocket dividers collect pieces of paper from my small notebooks. Three hole lined paper collects more ideas and gets tucked into the right chapters in the binder.

Where do you capture your ideas?

The Incredible Power of Peace & Quiet

Nothing is quieter than February in my little town. Almost no cars pass by the house in a day. When you go outside, you can hear things you might miss in the summertime, certain soft birdcalls and the dripping of melting snow from a tree. There are no concerts or plays and few meetings. The only sign of life on the lake are two hard core fishermen in a turquoise boat who troll for salmon relentlessly and apparently have anti-freeze in their veins.

I used to be nervous around such quiet. It made me feel I was 'missing something' somewhere else -- wherever there was lots of noise and glitter, and plenty of people. I didn't appreciate the incredible spiritual depth that can be found in quiet. Nor did I understand what quiet can do for my work. Furthermore, I was afraid of such stillness, as if I'd finally have to be quiet and alone with myself for a change ... and what I'd find out would really make the bottom drop out.

Since those days, I've come to understand not only how restorative quiet is, but how necessary it is. In order to connect with our creative projects, we really need that stillness. Our tender, fragile creative voices are hard enough to hear. Once you add the static of these crazy, complicated, interconnected lives we've cooked up, it becomes downright impossible. There is a reason writers have always headed to the hills to write their magnum opus -- they already know the magic of quiet.

There is something of an orderliness to quiet. Each bird that flies by, each ray of sunlight that shines in the window and each mote of dust that drifts through it seems to exist in the perfect space and time.

Deep quiet heals with its very simplicity, for it demands nothing from us. We don't have to be 'on', we don't have to know anything in particular, or even solve any problems. We just have to be, pure and simple. And should we choose to work on our creative endeavors, the quiet comforts us like a thick, soft blanket, urging us to dig deeper and relax into its spiritual embrace.

Boy v. Guitar: Update

Here’s the latest update on my son Luke’s struggle to do that daily task which feels cumbersome to him: practicing his blue scales and chords on his guitar.

If you recall when I last posted on this, we were at the pleading-balking-wild promises stage of parental attempts at control … and then I got a brainstorm. I sat down with Luke and asked him to really tell me exactly what the problem is with practicing.

‘It’s boring!’ he cried. ‘The same stuff over and over!’ And yes, to some degree that is true, because that’s how your fingers learn to fly along a fret board. YET! It didn’t have to be boring.

I gave Luke permission to do these nimble little exercises while he watches afternoon TV – something that’s been really pretty restricted in our home. And magically, the problem has disappeared.

There might be those who think this TV-as-entertaining-background thinking is wrong, and it probably is to some degree. But what IS working is that Luke is suddenly rounding the corner on his playing so he feels more confident and it sounds a lot better. And that’s when guitar is fun enough that you actually feel like practicing.

I invite you to look at what you avoid doing for your art, and how you can make it more fun for yourself.

An Amazingly Creative Valentines Gift

I just spent the weekend visiting my sister-in-law, Dana, and she had the usual handful of cool creative projects to share. Dana is someone who can make great stuff out of … well, just about anything. This time, she’d made an altered book. And she turned it into the most moving, complete, beautifully touching valentine for my brother I think I ever say.

Basically, an altered book begins with any old book. You just cut, glue, poke holes in it, paste things in … and basically play with this old book to turn it into a vehicle for your message. In this case, she turned an old Thesaurus into a gorgeous roadmap of their 30 year relationship. I honestly was moved to tears!

What especially cool about altered books are the synchronious moments when the text or graphics of the book merges with what you’re hoping to say. You can learn more about this entire process and see samples in the latest edition of that crazy, grab bag of creativity, Artella. (Artella’s current issue has some really cool paper samples and little neat, tucked away goodies that would look splendid in an altered book.)

And you can learn more about constructing altered books at www.alteredbooks.com

Do a Little Nurturing Journaling

The other day I ran a questionnaire here (see below) on how well you nurture yourself. So perhaps you found you need a little help with nurturing. Not to worry! Go find a spot that makes you feel good. (For me, it's the sunny meditation corner in the top of my house, or possibly the nice deep couches in the Sun Room at Kripalu, a yoga center in Lenox, MA.) Then get yourself a nice cup of tea and pull out your journal.

When you're ready, give these questions an answer:

Ten Things I'd Do If I Could Have a Day Completely To Myself

Excuses I Make For Not Taking Care of Myself

The Truth About Why I Don't Take Care of Myself

People I Could Enlist for Support

What I'd Like to Do Now (and When I'm Going to Do It)

Energy Saving Tips to Charge Up Your New Year

A recent Canadian study of 1,100 employees polled across North America found that one-third loathe their jobs. That's loathe, as in detest, hate and otherwise despise. So here's the good news: it's entirely possible for these folks to overcome the usual obstacles, and actually find a more suitable line of work. The key is in managing energy - one of the main things people say keeps them from actively pursuing their dreams in life.
This week, in the spirit of setting up a better year, we're going to be looking at energy management and goal setting … two big aspects to making 2006 the year you finally live your dreams.

Here are some energy-saving tricks to help that process:
1. Dedicate your peak time of day to your dream. Are you a lark or an owl? Do you tend to spring out of bed or hug your pillow when the alarm goes off. Get clear on this key fact, and then add an extra hour in this time zone for work on your dream. In other words, get up an hour earlier if you're a morning person - or stay up an hour later if you thrive at night. Write it into your schedule and stick with it.

2. Indulge in a Four o'clock protein bar or shake . Replace the guilty candy bar inn your desk drawer with a snack that's actually got enough protein to tide you well into the evening hours. Protein bars, such as Balance, Clif, Luna and Power Bars have only slightly less sugar than conventional candy bars, but they're loaded with soy protein that metabolizes more slowly for an even energy burn. (Ideally, the bars shouldn't have more than 13 grams of sugar, say experts.) Shakes made with soy-protein powders available at health food stores work even better, and last longer.

3. Keep a lean office/work space. Nothing drains energy faster than clutter, especially that which accumulates on desktops. Jeffrey Mayer, author of the e-book, How to Win the Fight between You and Your Desk says that our energy is literally bogged down every time we see a pile of papers we have to deal with. So he advises parking everything out of sight in appropriate files. Then he suggests keeping a running to-do list on a pad, with items to check off each day as accomplished. This sense of order and accomplishment can breath new life into dreams that feel long in the tooth.

How Supportable Are You?

So, here's a loaded question: How supportable are you?

In order to get support, you have to be willing to receive it, which could require a shift in your thinking. Is it tough to ask for help? Do you assume you have to bear the burden alone? Or are you already basking in the glow of friendly support.

Answer the questions below and see how supportable you really are.

1. The idea of creating a support group seems:
a) impossible
b) unlikely (who would I ask?)
c) pretty doable, but only if it was a really perfect, hand-picked group of personal friends
d) like an idea I should act on soon

2. I've been through therapy, workshops, trainings, retreats, and read countless self-help books ...
a) and not one of them has had the answer I'm looking for!
b) so why is my life only marginally better?
c) I'm wiser, but I think I should be further along
d) I've learned how to give myself a pat on the back when I need one

3. My overall view of life is:
a) long, hard, and then you die
b) it's never going to be quite good enough
c) a work in progress
d) a long-term adventure

4. I know what makes me happy ...
a) except that it never happens
b) some of the time, but then I forget
c) and those things do occur occasionally
d) and I go out of my way to make those things happen

5. If a friend offered you a good idea on how to quit the job you hate and get a better one, you would
a) half-listen (she probably doesn't know what she's talking about)
b) listen (she could be right, but ... do I really want to do what she's suggesting?)
c) take notes, but then lose them
d) take those actions within a few days

6. People offer me advice, but ...
a) nobody else knows the 'real' me, and what I need
b) sometimes their ideas are okay, but not that often
c) I could follow their advice ... but I just don't
d) I listen, and sometimes I do what they suggest if it seems right

7. The biggest reason I don't pursue my dream is that
a) I could never pull it off, so why bother?
b) I'm just too darn busy to get to it
c) sometimes it seems like a good idea, but other times it doesn't
d) I'm afraid

8. If I were to die tomorrow,
a) I'd die feeling like a failure
b) I'd wish I'd have done more to get what I want in life
c) I'd be grateful for the people who encouraged me, but I'd feel I disappointed them
d) I'd have a sense of satisfaction about my life

If most of your answers were in the a, b, or c camp, chances are you are more resistant to getting support than you think. Now is the time to empty your head of all the beliefs that hold you back, and uncover your fear. Is anything bugging you about success? What could happen if you were to get support … and then achieve your dream? How might your life change? Once you get clear on this, it's time line up your reinforcements!

If you answered mostly d to the questions above, you may already have adequate support in your life. In fact, you may be ready for more. Either way, you've got the right attitude and are no stranger to support.

How'd you do?

A Thanksgiving Memory

Seems only right on this, our national holiday of thanks, to share a few reminiscences from when I was a kid, growing up in a suburb of Philadelphia called Chestnut Hill.

We lived in Chestnut Hill, which was and still is a very affluent neighborhood, not because we were rich but because we needed a tall house that could accommodate a skylight on the top floor. As my father was an artist who worked at home, this was what he needed for his studio. We bought our house in a year when the real estate market favored little trim houses, and ours was seen as a big white elephant. We loved it, for that very reason.

Thanksgiving was not a big relative-fest – we didn’t seem to have any, except for some cousins who were mostly far away. Instead, it was all about making really excellent food. My mother worked over the holiday for days, ordering the ‘right’ turkey, hunting for the ‘right’ stuffing bread which we all sat around pulling from loaves of French bread, and making sure we had all the appropriate herbs and wine to finish the meal. Cooking was, in some ways, her most passionate way of expressing herself.

Once we’d pulled the bread to make the stuffing, which was usually around lunch time, we’d toast the left over bread crusts with butter and parmesan cheese on them, and have them with big bowls of Snapper Soup – a Philadelphia treat. (Even as a kid, I HAD to have mine with sherry.)

So dinner would arrive with a crescendo (we’d been smelling it for hours as my father’s jazz tapes or the drone of college football played softly in the background.) He would step in at that point and ‘carve’, after which he’d make the most marvelous gravy out of pan drippings, a dry white wine, some roux he’d mix up from pan drippings and flour, and a special ingredient: George Washington Seasoning Mix.

That’s when we knew this was going to be an EXCELLENT dinner. And we celebrated by taking hours to eat it.

This was all before the Internet, before iPods, and computers, and video games, and DVD’s showed up to steal the children away.

Instead of disappearing to our digital corners, we’d all help cook dinner, or sit at the kitchen counter playing dice and drinking wine or ‘kid’s champagne’ (juice and club soda) until dinner was ready.

Just thinking about it makes me happy I still live in a simple place where Thanksgiving is all about being together doing the things we love. And while the kids steal away more than we used to, they still understand the magic of a special meal we all make together. Thanks, Mom and Dad.